time for a change

I'm done with classes. Done with college. First day with nothing to do but what I want to do. Perfect for starting anew with my weightloss. FIRST I'd like to point out that it's been almost a month since I've stayed at or below 120lbs which I'm proud about. I haven't been this steadily at 120 since middle school. But enough with the positive thinking. It's time to get serious. It's time for a change in how I do this.




A little surreal thinspo/thematic connection from H&M's new commercial.

Here are my rules:

1. No eating until at least 2 hours after I wake up.
2. No eating after 9
3. 2 liters of H2O a day
4.Do drugs over alcohol if possible

These are modified rules obviously for the time that I'm still at school. Since I'm going to be finishing up my lease down here and around all my friends until the end of May, severe restricting and going to the gym everyday simply isn't realistic or subtle. Once I get home in June, I'll be able to work out a lot and fast. That will be the first order of business actually. A fast.

Today was lovely. I had a 200cal salad split up into two meals. And a half of a graham cracker with some peanut butter: 80cals. Then a diet lemon snapple. 0cals. Total? 280. Tonite will be difficult. I'll have to drink. But since I'm not really eating, I'm sure I'll be plenty tipsy after 3 shots (300cals). I know that's not good, but I don't know how to escape the reality of my college/friends/social scene. Plus, this is the last 2 weeks I'll be spending with all of them and I don't want to be a debbie downer and unfun. Any suggestions??

high

So many things to cover, good and bad, but I'm feeling mostly good. Probably b/c of the drugs.

1. DONE WITH COLLEGE. I finished my last exam today. I'm dunzo. I'm not done w/ school forever tho. 4 mo' years for me via medical school. I love feeling the ability to do nothing. It's been so long since I've actually been bored.

2. BINGE: Yesterday, b/c of the adderall, I ate 300cals. Today, because of God-knows-why, I binged insanely. I can't even bare to write it. But I still feel happy.

3. DINNER: I went out to dinner with my sorority family for the last time since I'm graduating and they got me such nice gifts and paid for my food! Plus I loved talking to them all. They're each so different but so fucking cool. I know it's lame, and I'm not at all a sorority girl at all. But I like having these people in my life.

4. TEXT: So it's been two days since the lead singer had e-mailed me, and I had begun to worry that he moved on/met another girl/ changed his mind. But then earlier tonite, I got a wonderfully flirtatious text. AH THE SEXUAL TENSION IS KILLING ME. But I love it. I love that he texted me.

5.I'm pretty fucking baked right now. (Also contributing to the binge), but I had a wonderful night. I'm happy.


Tomorrow starts the new plan. Gym everyday. 500 cals max. I can't fast here b/c my housemates will notice. We're going to be spending a lot of time together since we're all done w/ school and not working now. I'll have to wait till June, sadly.

back

So I'm back. After 3 days of binge drinking, eating, not sleeping, and snorting an entire gram of coke to myself, I didn't gain ALL the weight back. I'm at 121 lbs. which isn't too bad. I'm so stressed though. I can't write much more today.

2 dexatrim pills
green tea
cereal (175cals)
seaweed salad (100cals)
cheese stick (70cals)

vacay

I will be gone for 3 days. I'm nervous because there will be a lot of alcohol there. But also a lot of drugs so I'll just do those.

I'm still 119 lbs. After this week I'll start a hard core fast or something. It's getting hard though. I'm really hungry today. And I don't want to take my dexatrim because I know I'll be doing coke later.

I hope my friends notice on the beach. That will be the only thing that will keep me good.

Oh, last night at work, I was so hungry. Hadn't eaten in 12 hours. And the other girl bartender kept offering her pretzel rods. They sat right next to me, and I didn't have a single one. I deserve 5 points for that.

failing not so badly after all

So it's 10:52, and the only other thing I ate today was instant mac and cheese with half a cheese stick (300 cals) making my total intake for today 500 cals.

I would like to thank two large green teas and 30mg of adderall for this award.

I'm off to pick the boy up from the airport. Then smoke so I can sleep. I won't eat if I'm with him.
And sex will be like -50 cals at least. I always feel like they overestimate how much you burn from fucking.

FAIL

Yesterday major fail. Got high and ate my life away. So embarrassed that details will be withheld. Needless to say, today is a new day. And i have adderall. I've taken 20mg now, and later I'll take another 10.

I measured my cereal today, and know exactly how much I've eaten so far: 200cals.
I plan to keep it at that number.

I'm drinking a giant green tea right now too which means, combined with the adderall, my metabolism will be through the roof.

Inspiration music? How about Thieves Like Us' "Drugs in my Body."