disappointment

I can't believe it. I'm actually 120. That's what the scale said this morning again. I don't understand. I am a terrible perfectionist. I have a 3.93. I HATE FAILURE. I can't deal with it. So what the fuck am I doing?

I haven't been committing. Just wait. I KNOW that once I'm done with exams, I'll be at the gym everyday. I'll stop eating. It will be perfect. I know it.

Adderall for now. Then I have to go to some stupid banquet for this award I'm getting. I just won't eat. It will be fine.

Ok so I'm going to medical school next year, and the boy is still going to be in college. This means we only have until the end of school together. Well his bitch mom booked his flight home yesterday for this Thursday and he asked her to please change it, but she refused. I was so upset. Lately we had been at each other's throats because of exams and the relationship has been nothing like it was in the beginning. I really didn't want the last thing of our relationship that he remembers is me bitching at him.
Well, he came over last night to study in my room with me, and he was smiling ear-to-ear. I was like what's up. He told me he went ahead and changed the flight anyways with his dad's credit card for the 14th! I was so happy! And then we started playing around like we used to. Here's the problem. I really think I love him. There were times last night where I thought he was going to say it too. Instead, I just opted for, "I'm really glad this happened." But I don't know what to do. I'm so weak. How does this happen?