118lbs today. I don't know how. I haven't been too good at restricting lately. Yesterday my fast was ruined because I was with my housemates ALL FUCKING DAY. They noticed that I didn't eat breakfast with them and then when it was lunch time we all ate together. I couldn't not do it. Whatever. Today I have a dinner at 8 that I'll have to eat at, but I'll be a good girl. I guess that means no fasting until tomorrow.
It's weird tho. I know I'm almost 10 pounds skinnier than my heaviest, but I still feel fat. I'm not that satisfied. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't change my ultimate goal weight from 110 to 100. I don't want to be sickly looking. I don't find that attractive. But I want to be delicate and frail and feminine. I think that's the biggest reason I'm doing this. When you're taller than average, you feel less dainty and girly. For example, when short girls are heavier, they're "curvy." When tall girls are heavier, they're just a "big girl." I never want to be a big girl.
I'm making collages today to keep busy. It's the first time I actually have to do something to keep busy. I like it. I'll scan one if I can and put it up.
I got nothing
You got something
I feel out of place
Looking through that window
Into the delicate place
i know what you mean. im not extremely tall or anything [im only 5'6] but ive never been called short so ive always thought of myself as being tall.
ReplyDeleteand when i gained weight, i just felt like a big heavy awkward girl. never curvy or anything.
haha id totally kill to be 118 right now.
and i know what you mean about not wanting to look sickly.
my goal is 105, and ive made a deal with myself that if i ever get to the point where i look too thin then i wont continue down to 105, ill just stop instead.
the title of the blog reminded me of a song by lykke li that i stumbled on forever ago lol.
stay strong hun!
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3