put your sad face away

i have a lot of things to say so bare with me....

i started working as a waitress. i hate it. its stupid but whatever. i need dollars. also i have to pretend that a family emergency is making me quit in like 2 weeks. i feel bad lying. the owner is nice. but ill be in london. and she wouldnt have hired me if she knew i would be gone for 10 days...then gone again in a month.

somethings been up with the boy. it finally all came out yesterday. he started using heroin. i flipped my shit at him. threatened to not come. then he broke down and was like 'i NEED you.' and started begging me to still come. i told him that i didnt want to be needed. i just wanted to be loved. sometimes i feel like he enjoys being this tragic character in life whos always fucked up and depressed. like a suffering artist. you want to see fucked up? wait til you see me in london and im scary thin.

i had to take a sleeping pill to go to bed the other night bc i was so anxious. why you ask? the rockstar wants to fly me down to austin for a few days. wow. good thing im a hooker who you are paying to entertain you. also i feel like a shit for texting him all the time meanwhile im telling the boy that i love him. that makes me a terrible terrible girlfriend/whore.

my mom yelled at me bc i said something with 'an attitude.' then she told me 'whats your problem? put your sad face away.' really? fuck you. im sorry that i hate myself/have an eating disorder/that my boyfriend is on heroin/that i HATE BEING HERE/and that i feel like a dirty whore. ill just put on a happy face.

this is just feuling the fucking fire. ill show you sad face. ill show you fucked up. you fucking wait.



this is what im listening to: